Chin Wey ™

how does it look like when you feel alone...in fact you are surrounded? it gives me a creep, the feeling of being alienated, transparent, and alone...

what do you think? what is your feeling when you know someone, but you are alienated, and you have the feeling of being a nuisance in certain place, but you just cant leave the place...as the place belongs to you...

it is a ridiculous story when you are in a closed place with someone you know, but they just talk to themselves, ignoring me...making me feel alienated and lonely...

leaving apart...the one and only way to solve the problem? it was a story from someone, someone who decided to stay forever with the person he likes, ended with living apart? he sacrifices, putting effort, gives everything he has to her, should ended up in such result? i dont understand...

i see them together from the beginning, arguments, and many more...and most surprising, they decide to leave each other, after so many effort put into this relation...why they have to do so? why they need to resort in this? if they knew this, why they wanted to be together? lifestyle has changed, do they really can back to their original life if they choose to be in this way? do they really can forget whatever happen in the past and start a new life? do they live happy than before? do they miss the arguments heated previously? is there any solution other than leaving apart? will they find a better one in future?

listening to this story makes me stunt for seconds and a new thought comes into my mind, should i begin? should i change my life from single to...? if i never step into this, i would never have such memories...but if i never step on it, i would never grow, i will be alone, i will never taste to the power of...what should i do...

i was attracted to my friend's post recently as he wrote something which is meaningful to me...something that enlightens my mind. i somehow out of my mind agree with what he wrote, as it does reflecting to what i am...some statements in his blog are quoted and posted at the bottom...

Sometimes, it’s not that you want to change for someone else, it’s because you can’t control it. When someone becomes really important to you, every perception about that person changes. Every single details, every single actions, every single words matters.

is love uncontrollable? is this what they always say the power of love? is love with change what you have now? the lifestyle, the habit, the social network, no matter how good you are now? i have seen many couples, they isolate us, the friends and live in their own world...and when they come to the end, they started to mix around back...does this so called selfishness? whenever they need you, they will approach you and dump you when they found their partner of life...i have been experiencing a lot of such situations, where my friends close to me when they are single or return to single and dump me far far away when they change status...is this what a single person need to accept or is not worth to befriend to them? a question arose yesterday during dinner session with my friend, they asked me whether i will do the same way as what i hate the most, and i confidently answered them a big NO...but somehow deep in my heart i asked myself, comparing myself to my friend's post, do i?

Before this you might say that you want full freedom and will give your partner full freedom on things that they want to do. But you wouldn’t exactly be sure of this, until your time comes. By then you will realize that it is easier said than done. Changing into another person that you actually despise is not what a person would want, but as said it’s uncontrollable. You are no longer the same anymore, there is another person there, constantly waiting for you no matter what.

freedom, the aspect that i like the most of i am now...i enjoyed the freedom now, frankly especially after i come to kl to study...i can go out anytime, anywhere, do whatever i like, without informing or care whoever...though i have the freedom, but i dint misuse it, instead i use them wisely, accurately, and responsibly...i wonder how i will be if i am attached...do i still have the freedom? as what i realised, i have to care another feeling, informing her where and what am i doing and so on...is this true? is what the quote said is the truth?

For me, if you asked me this question few years back, “would you die for your loved one”. My answer for sure 101% is a big NO. I would not be stupid enough to do so, my life belongs to me and not others. But now, if you asked me back the same old question, I would be sure enough to answer a YES. Because I could not bear to live alone anymore without the person. If you asked me what will I do if I were to lose the person most important to me, I would answer “I don’t know”. Because what I think of now will be different at that time. I myself will not be sure what I am capable of doing when that time comes.

am i brave to say YES, as what my friend did? i have no idea on this...yes, i admit that i have no idea how to continue my life without the important person with me...i wouldnt know how my future road will be without her...when someone becomes too important to you...she will be the part of your life...your life will be related to her...the feeling is miracle, unique and special...

love is something inevitable from you, it is part of your life...i remembered a statement from someone, human born into this world is assigned with a task, that is to find the half of himself...without the half, the life is not complete...everyone has the task, but can i manage this task well? without affecting what i have now? sacrifices needed? well i guess im too coward to face all these as because of many physical and abstract aspects, i have miss out many opportunities that is in front of me...but i always encourage my friend to go ahead though he might rejected...i told myself all the time, this isnt the right time...the right time is not now...my single life shouldnt be end that early, but recently half of my mind doesnt think so. there's someone in front of me now, but she seems not welcome my present...with cold responses from her. im in dilemma sometimes, when i alone or doing nothing...i tried not to think about it, but when the time goes, it flashes in my mind...

another outing this time...from despicable me movie to bowling session, as tgv cinemas available only in 3D and some of us feel dizzy after watching 3D...

some candid shots were taken before the bowling starts as there are several people listed in front of us and some added the game...




simple and fun day...

a simple bring uncountable meaning to someone. the last song, the very last song dedicated to her, before she left us...so long...

牵手

因为爱著你的爱
因为 梦著你的梦
所以悲伤著你的悲伤
幸福著你的幸福

因为路过你的路
因为苦过你的苦
所以快乐著你的快乐
追逐着你的追逐

因为誓言 不敢听
因为承诺不敢信
所以放心著你的沉默
去说服明天的命运

没有风雨躲得过
没有坎坷不必走
所以安心的牵你 的手
不去想该不该回头

也许牵了手的手
前生不一定好走
也许有了伴的路
今生还要更忙碌

所以牵了手的手
来生还要一起走
所 以有了伴的路
没有岁月可回头



to look for the song is kind of mess up...but we ended up found it and the band created the rhythm and all of us sang it out...though the environment getting worst at the end, but at least we able to dedicate to her the very last song...we hope that she able to listen it...

may you rest in peace there...so long...

cousins, you must be strong to face everything happen. my support will always be there for you!!!

today's class started at 1pm and i eventually fall asleep in the class...sigh...probably i cant get well sleep for few days...i am not attached, at all...but just that i was thinking of something, something that makes my life completely change for now...a midnight chat with my friend yesterday somehow enlightens my mind...ya...this is another stage of life, and i have to keep my track on...but did i make something right? getting hooked up its another phase of life where i have to trade my freedom and flexibility with companionship and happiness...but do i able to do that? am i ready to make such sacrifices?

as the days goes on, i feel the emptiness in my heart...siblings and friends are started to get hooked up, leaving myself alone...i feel alone in both worlds...should i still stand on my feet, remain single? there's one here...should i remain with my principle? or i should step out? apparently, i am inspecting in details about it and asking myself should i go for it? or am i escaping myself from being alone?

yes, i admit myself still the naive thoughts, clean cut relationship, though there's in mind, but it seems there's a something blocking my ways. my family dint discuss about this to me, probably they dont want me to get hooked up, in early age, probably? am i ready to jump out from the naive thoughts and face the reality?

it is distracting, totally...and my mind still full of thoughts...hooking up or instead? i have no idea...what i can do now is see the condition, whether we can go into more than what we are now...

ya...recently kinda emoted...for some reasons probably...the beginning of the semester is not that smooth as i think...i predicted something wrong...out of my expectation...i dint expect things to be happen in this way, i think...

being single, or attached? this is the reason why i change my facebook status, for the very first time...i have no idea whether i should accept the fact that i should enter to another stage, the stage where i should have partner? im too afraid to welcome it, is this because i havent play enough? or too much of single life? in previous, i dont think much about it and make me change my status in facebook, but this time is real...i have to start thinking about it...

talking about feelings, i failed...failed how to control myself. im the type who has many feelings at one time...i dont know how to express it...perhaps due to failures happened to me in the past, makes me no confident to face it...in this case, i somehow want to escape from it, rather than facing it...im such a failure in relationship problem...i dont even know which is the best way of expressing myself to her...im in dilemma, totally...

i guess im still in the childhood, where everyone can be friends...no such complicated relationship, couples, and so on...where everyone can always hang out together, but i realised that im still living in the past...in the childhood...im 22 now, i have to face that i have and must leave that as a memory, is no longer applicable now...what am i doing now is just looking for people to complete my childhood memories, not to complete my life now...ya...childhood memories, indeed is freaking for me and wish to delete them by replacing what i have now...im such a dumb, it is not going to happen...

my mind is full of thoughts now, i need to recondition my feelings now, not to treat too well and think like an adult now...i hope i can put more effort on what i like now, the girl perhaps? i have no comment apparently...the urge is not strong, maybe what am i thinking now still like a kid...but i dont want a short-term relationship, i wish...