perhaps im the root cause of all, i should blame myself. being rational, excessively?
thinking that the life must be perfect for all the time, or most of the time, sometimes i am not myself either. attempting to label things with a full stop perfectly, i lose to myself. even when im trying to re-correct of all messy handwriting that i have made, i continuously re-write and re-write. and i may just lose the ink before i can mark the full stop. rationalism and passion for the perfection of many things kill you?
when i first acknowledge myself moving to penang, i realized the house is not equipped with basic needs, and i started to think "can i survive here?". but i try my best to clean the house everyweek, without allowing a single dust to be there. well i admit that i am very particular of the cleanliness of the environment i am. this is perfection.
rationalism always overwhelm me when i started to make any decision, or would it be self-sufficient that actually overwhelm all this? yeah yeah, i admit im just a failure in this aspect, attempting hard to put away all this and move forward to it. hopefully i can make everything work before it is late :)
sounds ridiculous, huh? but it seems like im entering and exiting the reality. well, im looking forward to regain my strength to stay in the reality rather than walking in and out from there. it's easy to walk out from there but terrific task for me to walk in back.
month of july has arrived. the month that supposed not to have any public holiday in my dictionary has turned into different way. Penang's Yang-Dipertuan birthday falls on this month, and im getting holiday for that, sounds good :)
i have finally be the first timer after so many years survived on this planet to step into the neighbouring country, Singapore last month! Sounds hilarious for a Malaysian to say so as it is so much near to us and i only stepped into after being getting so old. well, i got my first passport last year, LOL!
Singapore, a country that we must respect. with its' regulations and return to the community, i feel somehow it's a country that can be lived IF the size expanded 10 to 15 times larger than now, hehe...im trying to imagine driving on the completely flat road without any holes found, just like there. realizing that Penang roads are rated terrible, is like every km has a hole that make passenger stay awake and users has to drive like a snake to get rid of them...also, no stink smell of trash or waste found everywhere in the island of singapore..unlike penang...sigh. penang must rebrand for its cleanliness and infrastructure, and not only focusing on rapid and mass development. what is the point of being well developed state with great investors but lousy infrastructure and worst environment?
moving on with my life and stay stronger to meet the challenges in life! nothing is impossible :)
Recent feeling is indescribable. No reason for that. It seems like something amiss now. The feeling is different, no longer the same. Things are moving in slow pace, the time is crawling. Passion is no longer there, but feeling is. Does rational judgement really works for me? Or im being dumb of not accepting and continue to go for it? Im just a coward, totally? Though in the middle of a bunch of people, but i feel only myself there, alone...I understand myself shouldnt be in this forever, i have to walk out from this. i know i have to let it be temporary, but how long should i be in this? Almost everyday I have to face the fact, does this make myself weaker or stronger? Guess everytime i see the cold response, the more memories flashes back in my mind. Is this the return that i will get for what i have done? I will try to walk out from this and move on to the life that i wish for :)
Out of my realization, I found myself, still missing her...Should I be in this situation? Since you are out of this, why you still want to stay at the same pace and don't move on with your own?
刚刚在我的电脑播放了倪安东的歌，让我爱她。。。不是第一次顶到这首歌。只是这一次推动我写了这片文章。歌词特别有意识。感情有起有落，喜怒哀乐，酸甜苦辣。 喜欢一个人不是罪，或许我把它看得太重？
一个没有开始的恋情可以叫做爱情吗？爱情会让人等到累吗？ 为什么双方都喜欢不能在一起？我的问题？还是我自以为事？一个没开始就结束了的恋情可以失恋吗？是时候把句点画上了吗，还是等待何期待恋爱的来临？
一大清早的星期六出去做运动，不不，因该这样说，还没回家就要做运动果然是我的工作那么久以来第一次。这还不倒是人生中吧。以前的我当时还在吉隆坡的时候都有多多少少一大清早出去做运动，当时的身材多算还不错啦。。。嘻嘻。。。
回到家打开我的音乐盒，想想说听听一下下歌曲，好让一阵天的心情变得好点点，无意中看到了其中一首正在播放的歌曲，五月天的干杯。。。不久睡了一会，就正在写着部落各，让我听到一首好像能说出我的心声，李玖哲，想太多。。。
五月天 - 干杯
会不会 有一天 时间真的能倒退
退回 你的我的 回不去 的悠悠的岁月
也许会 有一天 世界真的有终点
也要和你举起回忆酿的甜 和你再乾一杯
如果说 要我选出 代表青春 那个画面
浮现了 那滴眼泪 那片蓝天 那年毕业
那一张 边哭边笑 还要拥抱 是你的脸
想起来 可爱可怜 可歌可泣 可是多怀念
怀念总是 突然怀念 不谈条件
当回忆 冲破考卷 冲出岁月 在我眼前
我和你 留着汗水 喝着汽水 在操场边
说好了 无论如何 一起走到 未来的世界
现在就是 那个未来 那个世界
为什么 你的身边 我的身边 不是同一边
友情曾像 诺亚方舟 坚强誓言
只是我 望着海面 等着永远 模糊了视线
会不会 有一天 时间真的能倒退
退回 你的我的 回不去的 悠悠的岁月
也许会 有一天 世界真的有终点
也要和你举起回忆酿的甜 和你再乾一杯
这些年 买了四轮 买了手表 买了单眼
却发现 追不到的 停不了的 还是那些
人生是 只有认命 只能宿命 只好宿醉
只剩下 高的笑点 低的哭点 却没成熟点
成熟就是 幻想幻灭 一场磨练
为什么 只有梦想 越磨越小 小到不见
有时候 好想流泪 好想流泪 却没眼泪
期待会 你会不会 他会不会 开个同学会
他在等你 你在等我 我在等谁
又是谁 孩子没睡 电话没电 心情没准备
天空不断 黑了又亮 亮了又黑
那光阴 沧海桑田 远走高飞 再没力气追
终究会 有一天 我们都变成昨天
是你 陪我走过 一生一回 匆匆的人间
有一天 就是今天 今天就是有一天
说出一直没说 对你的感谢 和你再乾一杯
再乾一杯永远 喝了就能万岁 岁岁和年年
时间都停了 他们都回来了
怀念的人啊 等你的来到
有人说得对，有时候我想多。。。人就是这样，无意中都会考虑无数的来源，尤其是当你一个人的时候。不知道哪根筋不对，就是这样。或许经理是个答案吧。。。如果人的脑，思想，任何一切都可以很简单，单纯。。。啊！醒醒吧！还在发白热梦。 对一向来自己没有信心的我，多多少少会考虑。任何动摇都会使让我对自己失去信心。。。今天，一整个下午，听听歌，聊聊天，写写部落，心情有得到许多的平静。听到了我的音乐盒播出 taylor swift 的歌曲，心情又来到了一个不平衡。音乐在带来不少的影响在我的生活上。。。之前是听到了一首常常在婚礼的影片出现的歌曲被打败了。。。
回到五月天的干杯，回想去以前的我，梦想天高。 现在呢？去了哪里？多少已经被事实打败了。。。虽然整首歌都瞒rap，好像歌曲看到了我自己。当初的梦想呢？人生是只能认命，只能宿命， 只好宿醉吗？然后结果只剩下 高的笑点，低的哭点， 但却没成熟点？心理多多少少会挣扎，我可以任性吗？
it's time to start admitting myself old...i have no idea of why...23 and 24 is just a difference by one, but the responsibilities are like tonnes now. started to feel more and more things to deal, more and more things to be accomplish, i know there's no way of escaping from them. Coward boy!
leaving my blogspot for months, things have happen, and it's alot. it's been 6 months ever since leaving the land of America, leaving with memories and great experiences. It was a gold opportunity for me, standing in the giant piece of land of the other side of the world, totally...learning the culture, thoughts, people, it truly enrich my life. though it isn't really adaptive to the tiny piece of land where im stepping now, it's worth, truly worth...i miss the food, people, customs, laws and rules, everything. they are so unique for me.
in support of my enthusiasm of photography, im getting myself a semi-dslr camera. LUMIX GF-3
Moving on to next moment, visiting Kingdom of Thailand! Drove from Malaysia to Thailand, crossing the border via Bukit Kayu Hitam and Sadao borderline, it took like half of the day to reach Hatyai. Visited last Christmas, after my sis wedding a month later, Thailand again gives me another way of looking to the life, how a city of metropolitan grows without the ease of the fast growing technology, and so...im totally indulged into the city of Hatyai, and i can laugh remembering the moments I talked to the locals with the most broken english and mandarin i can, the best of it all, sign language!
Christmas 2011 was another unforgettable moments, I had a truly western christmas party, potluck, gift exchange, plus christmas song singing instead of normal christmas dinner like the years before.
and not to miss out the fellows from other department who support my shout out!
and Kae Vin has invited to his house warming party
and today is the last day of the new year...soon the valentine is coming, act feeling like nothing like the previous years, will i be getting someone soon? will i be able to solve the dilemma i have now soon? or im waiting green light? still a dilemma and yet complicated...
