Chin Wey ™

一首我未曾去好好的明白它的歌曲，竟然事隔了好几年也总与让我明白，也让我体会到歌曲的背后故事。。。还记得曾经在包厢里点过无数次动一首歌，当时觉的歌曲好唱，就那么简单。万万没有想到我既然牢牢记得歌词。。。

事隔了好几个月，终于还是要画上句号。。。这种感觉比我之前得知来的不一样。好可惜哦。。。

一场误会，就误会了好久，好久。。。我被淘汰了。若这场误会不存在，结局会是怎样呢？得知是一场误会，我不知道会是一件我值得去开心还是难过。事实亦胜定局。现在的我无法能做出任何补救。我只能。。。

是时候去忙一忙，散散心了。。。现在的我能吗？

days has past, but still...un-flushed. attempted to flush it months ago but to avail. it's like keep on haunting you forever. it starts to grow back when it starts to fade off. Keeping reminding myself that it is just my own party of a wrong perception, but when the subsequent things get better, i couldnt hallucinating myself again. it's like i like to wait for answer unanswered. keeping myself filtered from all "rumours" and accepting the answered from the party is what i want? Or should i just disqualifying myself from the battle field, and sentence the feeling death by accepting the rumours. I couldnt stop intuition of controlling myself although my rational told not and must not to do in this way...

Please sentence me to death! Im trying hard to kill it but i...*sigh* i think i'll just stop thinking of this since i have always meet the death end on every single attempt. remain staying in my current pace would be the best solution?

another month pass again without something that tickles my heart happen. im not sure whether this is a good sign or not. i read from some places that life will be meaningful if there's ups and downs in it. life shouldn't be dull and stays in zero gradient line. well, as for me, i know it's inevitable to have sad and sorrows in my bibliography. but i try to make my life as meaningful as i can :)

looking back to my previous posts, it seems i like to write down my thoughts and my sorrows rather than something meaningful or remarkable. well...probably i cant find someone to talk to regarding about my sorrow and have to write it down here...but after sometime, i would just feel fool of writing them down. maybe this is the way of releasing my stress? or probably this would be just a single man will do. Yea, he said it right. I've never dated anyone before and i wouldn't know the feeling of being loved and cared deeply by the person you love :). yea, i know i missed alot chances in my life of getting someone that i like. i...just...*sigh*

sometimes human are like aliens to me. you will never know what's the theory or philosophy of life behind them. some people do not appreciate when you did something good but they would just said i deserved to be treated in that way. but when you did slightly something bad, he or she will spread to the whole world of your bad. will this kind of friendship last long? "Hey, I'm just your friend. NOT your slave nor your follower. I keep silent doesnt mean i agree with what you did. True friends will correct you when you did wrong. SO LOOK AT YOURSELF WHO WILL CORRECT YOU THEN!!!" sometimes im just disappointed with this kind of people of being selfish and arrogant. *sigh* i just have to release it here. I do not want to bring anger and hatred to anyone else. Just be myself will do. Don't i look dumb and naive? or foolish? lol...

are memories can be erased that easily in short time? looking at a situation where you used to shared with the person you liked but after sometime, you still remember the situation but not the person in the situation. the face of the person is blurr and you need the person to recall back who actually owns the blurr face. pretty heart-broken huh? :(

leaving everything behind and keep going with my life :)

perhaps im the root cause of all, i should blame myself. being rational, excessively?

thinking that the life must be perfect for all the time, or most of the time, sometimes i am not myself either. attempting to label things with a full stop perfectly, i lose to myself. even when im trying to re-correct of all messy handwriting that i have made, i continuously re-write and re-write. and i may just lose the ink before i can mark the full stop. rationalism and passion for the perfection of many things kill you?

when i first acknowledge myself moving to penang, i realized the house is not equipped with basic needs, and i started to think "can i survive here?". but i try my best to clean the house everyweek, without allowing a single dust to be there. well i admit that i am very particular of the cleanliness of the environment i am. this is perfection.

rationalism always overwhelm me when i started to make any decision, or would it be self-sufficient that actually overwhelm all this? yeah yeah, i admit im just a failure in this aspect, attempting hard to put away all this and move forward to it. hopefully i can make everything work before it is late :)

sounds ridiculous, huh? but it seems like im entering and exiting the reality. well, im looking forward to regain my strength to stay in the reality rather than walking in and out from there. it's easy to walk out from there but terrific task for me to walk in back.

month of july has arrived. the month that supposed not to have any public holiday in my dictionary has turned into different way. Penang's Yang-Dipertuan birthday falls on this month, and im getting holiday for that, sounds good :)

i have finally be the first timer after so many years survived on this planet to step into the neighbouring country, Singapore last month! Sounds hilarious for a Malaysian to say so as it is so much near to us and i only stepped into after being getting so old. well, i got my first passport last year, LOL!

Singapore, a country that we must respect. with its' regulations and return to the community, i feel somehow it's a country that can be lived IF the size expanded 10 to 15 times larger than now, hehe...im trying to imagine driving on the completely flat road without any holes found, just like there. realizing that Penang roads are rated terrible, is like every km has a hole that make passenger stay awake and users has to drive like a snake to get rid of them...also, no stink smell of trash or waste found everywhere in the island of singapore..unlike penang...sigh. penang must rebrand for its cleanliness and infrastructure, and not only focusing on rapid and mass development. what is the point of being well developed state with great investors but lousy infrastructure and worst environment?

moving on with my life and stay stronger to meet the challenges in life! nothing is impossible :)

Recent feeling is indescribable. No reason for that. It seems like something amiss now. The feeling is different, no longer the same. Things are moving in slow pace, the time is crawling. Passion is no longer there, but feeling is. Does rational judgement really works for me? Or im being dumb of not accepting and continue to go for it? Im just a coward, totally? Though in the middle of a bunch of people, but i feel only myself there, alone...I understand myself shouldnt be in this forever, i have to walk out from this. i know i have to let it be temporary, but how long should i be in this? Almost everyday I have to face the fact, does this make myself weaker or stronger? Guess everytime i see the cold response, the more memories flashes back in my mind. Is this the return that i will get for what i have done? I will try to walk out from this and move on to the life that i wish for :)

Out of my realization, I found myself, still missing her...Should I be in this situation? Since you are out of this, why you still want to stay at the same pace and don't move on with your own?