when...it gives various meanings. it can be asking for the specific time, it can also be a "what if" statement...
enquire for specific time doesnt seems trouble for me, but a "what if" "when" does a trouble for me...though dislike it, but i encountered it...still i have no idea on the solution...perhaps i shall say i have zero control on it...the authority is not with me. once decide on any choices given, it definitely gives an unwell feeling to the other choice. and at this time, i have to decide which is more important to me...im kinda have the feeling of escaping from making a stand from the choices, but in my heart, still i wanna face it as it is the place where i born...everytime i dont hope to see it, it still happens annually...i have no idea on how to solve it. when questioned, im kinda numb and dumb, unknown of what to say, im speechless...
to me, i have really zero idea on it...
the new year holiday gonna end soon for me, gotta get back to the track to finish up my project and follow up my studies again...gotta hard work soon after this...hoping the progress gonna be smooth and steady...not to forget greatest appreciation to him for working together to achieve it...
day two of the new year, the day i spend most of the time at home during the new year, as there will be a dinner to celebrate my grandma's birthday later. these two days has been tiring days, my afternoon time becomes my nap time...probably there's nothing for me to do except gambling, hahaha...
this new year bring significant meaning for me...things that i have worried about has found its way out. i was afraid for this spring festival to arrive, there's something overwhelmed me for sometime, and finally it has its own solution at the end...perhaps i have been worrying for this too much, as i felt relieved alot when i acknowledged that the matter has been solved...i feel like the spring do really come now...
the arrival of spring also bring some changes to me as well, physically and mentally...putting myself to attempt wearing necklace and ring are something extraordinary for me as all the while i have just wearing religion bracelet. months back my friend helped me bought a purple crystal bracelet from kedah and that is my accessories at that time...now i have attempted to use necklace and ring as part of my accessories and the result seems good for me. at least i have some changes in physically...apart, i dyed my hair into the colour that i have never attempt before, red! initially kinda afraid of the redness of the colourant as it stated is rose colour, however the result is more to maroon colour and i kinda like this colour too...something that is new to me as well...on the other side, the spring arrival too brings me something different on the soul part...something different...
things should be getting different now...i have to plan the next stage of my life...but i dont have any for now...what should i do? i cant plan nor for anything now, unfinished job still in my hand...problems still wandering around me...i have to think of a time to clear my mind and think where should i go for the next stage of my life...
happy rabbit year to all... may the new year bring lucks and happiness throughout the year... ^^
minutes to go before the end of the year of tiger, according to the lunar calendar, and i grab these moments to blog the happenings in this year...till the last day before i back to hometown for spring holiday, im still busy with the project stuff. though there is some progress, but there are still more and more to go...wanted to discuss about it after i back hometown, but it seems like nobody wants to talk about it during this time...well, i just leave it till see how...somehow is out of my control...i dont want mention much about it now...ideas and thoughts sometimes come across into my mind and i wanted to share with someone before i forget or lost it...
along the progress in my project, some final year students too company us in the laboratory to complete their own projects...
kinda been long time i have not back to my hometown, and following my mum to wet market to buy groceries is something i have not done long time...because the time is too early for me to wake up from the bed...hahaha...and this time have to squeeze with many people as they also rush to fill up their stock for the new year in such early in the morning...
may the year of rabbit will bring prosperous and good luck all the year to me...
reviewing the previous update, i just realised that i have no touching the blog for more than a month...well, is it being not much comment about my current life, thats is why i have no idea to blog the content? is this sign of satisfaction in the life? or i have see through many things in life, take those as nothing?
is the midnight of the 24th day in year 2011...and i have been non-stop working on with my project ever since last year, day after the examination. guess all the time are spent on the project makes my life goes smooth without has the time to think of other things. i have no worries to call a day every night as the fatigue is there. it gives a satisfaction in my life, indeed...
till today, the project hasnt call the end...still long way to go. every single part of it is new to me and my teammate, we have to start from zero to learn it, trying out, and applying it into our project and this makes the progress very slow. anyhow, i am very appreciate for my teammate support and help, without his support, i couldnt handle everything in such a way like what it is now. his photo is captured during the simulation partial of the project for review purposes...
collection of pictures started since november, where group of friends celebrated the born day of kelvin at seoul garden, 1 utama... and rushing at night to bandar utama for my friends gathering at fullhouse who are just back from their UK study...and both events had lots of talking and sharing inside...
my first time become helper in an event company! time out solutions event at melacca with kelvin...it was a great job where i can travel, eat, fun, and visit for free in the midst of working! day started at 8am where i started travel from petaling jaya to melacca, round the melacca town in the day time, spend the dusk at ayer keroh and reaching back home at midnight...thanks to my friend who introduce such a great job to me...hope to have such job again...
the deepavali day was extraordinary in year 2010 as i have the chance to visit and enjoy the delicacies in arminder house at semenyih! lots of fun and chat around his house...
gathering with my training friends at chilies, 1 utama to celebrate the christmas joy! we had the gift exchange, sharing, and travel to cheras to hang out with ike till late midnight!
a christmas gathering with my coursemates at kepong D' Fortune. initial plan of watching meet the little fockers was canceled due to no more seating in 1utama. the day ended up with hang around the mall before going to kepong to have dinner. the night continued with present exchange at coffee bean, desa parkcity...
christmas day was fun! my mum and sis came to kl to find me shopping! we off the house early in the morning, dim-sum breakfast at jalan ipoh, shopped at petaling street and times square, late lunch at BBQ plaza, enjoy the christmas spirits at bukit bintang, and dinner at murni SS2...it was fun as we have no shop together for quite sometime...
ken wee birthday right after the christmas! and this time managed to watch the little fockers at 1utama! simple dinner at nando's and dessert plus cake blowing at sunway giza...
the new year eve was something special as i was in dark at that time. went to movida, sunway giza with friends without drunk! but actually started to crap abnormally till we have a tea at SS2 kayu to wake ourselves up...hahaha...
and to welcome the spring, bunch of friends picked kikyo at puchong, japanese buffet style with reasonable price to celebrate it...well, there are more outings during festivals which dont have the photo captured, but still there is fun in it...and these are the gatherings in the mid of working out the project...kinda alot, hahaha...
its been long time i have not back to my hometown, hoping this spring break will have a nice break there...and charging up myself to face the days ahead!
recent days arent great at all...im very very upset and dissapointed of what is happening...i dont dare to ask nor request something from my friends now...
finding myself putting interest in new activity, i found out that i couldnt spare my time out to match my friend's time going there. therefore, i have to sacrifice it though the interest is still there. well, who doesnt want a better body figure? moreover, many schoolwork bundled up day by day and i really cant spare much time doing it...assignments, fyp...and i couldnt figure out on how to spare time everyday for it as a lot of time needed to collect information on things going on...if there's time, i couldnt match them with my friend's...do you think i still able to make it rather than sacrificing it?
the tasks ongoing really makes me very very very upset...i totally giving up all...the assignments...the fyp...i dont dare to think anymore for requesting time from them...i felt myself failure, fail in planning, fail in organising, fail in everything...i dont dare to ask for presence, all i can do and able is just informing...i tried my best, make things the best, but these became the past...im now tired, disable, not daring, upset, giving up, and just let things be aside...im tired when there's no support, im tired because i failed to make things best and putting myself in the negative perspective...
i never felt myself giving everything up...i never putting myself in dont care situation before...but this is the first time...it is like a big big well, i fell down but not knowing how to climb back up to return back to normal...i cant find a string to support me climbing up nor any support...i cant make things better is my fault, i cant organising well is my fault...i shall let the nature decides everything perhaps?
who can throw me a string to let me climb back to the land? or just let me stay inside the well?
this is an unfinished blog...a really unfinished blog. i have spent many days writing on this and still the story hasnt finish...many things crossing in my mind nowadays...all those are small matters, but when the small matters bundled up, it becomes a big big for me...what is for me now is how i can get busy with stuffs, and when the stuff finishes, i get tired and sleeps...i hope i can let myself busy and busy...
realising myself with tonnes of characteristic problems, i felt myself like lost of direction...im putting myself now as influenceable person...not myself can influence people, but is anything that comes to me influences my life...whether is right or instead...i have no mindset to reject those which are not right...and out of my sudden, i lost the idea to write about...
the semester has just finished, right before the october comes...though the hardship i went through during the exam month, i was thought i can finally rest myself down and start a new journey...but im not...im still trapped in the dilemma...the dilemma which turns my things all around...i dont know what i still can wish myself now...because i know its never going to be realised...
few days back, i went somewhere to look for stuffs and i saw an old lady, squatting down beside the passage outside the mall...she looks pale and her legs seems like in pain...i was alone at that moment and afraid to approach her for a hand...my intuition seems telling me that this might be a new kind of scam...manipulating the elderly to trap the victims...the society teach me this, should i blame it? but she might not and she needs help deadly, i felt miserable when i be ignorant...but when i return, she was no longer there. guess she had someone who is kind and naive to help her...how if in future when similar situation happens again? should i still be that kind enough like last to give a hand?
one day during my semester break, my mum approached me with a surprise question that she never ask me before...do you have girlfriend? that was after i told my younger cousin sister has attached without our notice...i was thinking and talked to myself, why i still dont have at this age? am i not qualified to have a one? what is wrong with me? am i too choosy?
this i really a mess up blog, totally messed up...there is no specific topic for myself...i was trying to drive myself to certain place just now, but i lost the direction...i forgot where i should head to...i tried to contact her when she lost connection, but to an avail when no reply after few days...perhaps i will get tired after thinking for sometimes...then i will get better? would it be still haunting me in some other time?
wishing the days ahead will be busy days for me...
