Chin Wey ™

feelings are expressed here...

recent days arent great at all...im very very upset and dissapointed of what is happening...i dont dare to ask nor request something from my friends now...

finding myself putting interest in new activity, i found out that i couldnt spare my time out to match my friend's time going there. therefore, i have to sacrifice it though the interest is still there. well, who doesnt want a better body figure? moreover, many schoolwork bundled up day by day and i really cant spare much time doing it...assignments, fyp...and i couldnt figure out on how to spare time everyday for it as a lot of time needed to collect information on things going on...if there's time, i couldnt match them with my friend's...do you think i still able to make it rather than sacrificing it?

the tasks ongoing really makes me very very very upset...i totally giving up all...the assignments...the fyp...i dont dare to think anymore for requesting time from them...i felt myself failure, fail in planning, fail in organising, fail in everything...i dont dare to ask for presence, all i can do and able is just informing...i tried my best, make things the best, but these became the past...im now tired, disable, not daring, upset, giving up, and just let things be aside...im tired when there's no support, im tired because i failed to make things best and putting myself in the negative perspective...

i never felt myself giving everything up...i never putting myself in dont care situation before...but this is the first time...it is like a big big well, i fell down but not knowing how to climb back up to return back to normal...i cant find a string to support me climbing up nor any support...i cant make things better is my fault, i cant organising well is my fault...i shall let the nature decides everything perhaps?

who can throw me a string to let me climb back to the land? or just let me stay inside the well?

the semester break was spent on holiday with my friends in penang, ipoh and teluk intan...the vacation is very interesting for me, as i still can recall them back, compare to the current happenings...













days past still warm in my mind, but not the current...

this is an unfinished blog...a really unfinished blog. i have spent many days writing on this and still the story hasnt finish...many things crossing in my mind nowadays...all those are small matters, but when the small matters bundled up, it becomes a big big for me...what is for me now is how i can get busy with stuffs, and when the stuff finishes, i get tired and sleeps...i hope i can let myself busy and busy...

realising myself with tonnes of characteristic problems, i felt myself like lost of direction...im putting myself now as influenceable person...not myself can influence people, but is anything that comes to me influences my life...whether is right or instead...i have no mindset to reject those which are not right...and out of my sudden, i lost the idea to write about...

the semester has just finished, right before the october comes...though the hardship i went through during the exam month, i was thought i can finally rest myself down and start a new journey...but im not...im still trapped in the dilemma...the dilemma which turns my things all around...i dont know what i still can wish myself now...because i know its never going to be realised...

few days back, i went somewhere to look for stuffs and i saw an old lady, squatting down beside the passage outside the mall...she looks pale and her legs seems like in pain...i was alone at that moment and afraid to approach her for a hand...my intuition seems telling me that this might be a new kind of scam...manipulating the elderly to trap the victims...the society teach me this, should i blame it? but she might not and she needs help deadly, i felt miserable when i be ignorant...but when i return, she was no longer there. guess she had someone who is kind and naive to help her...how if in future when similar situation happens again? should i still be that kind enough like last to give a hand?

one day during my semester break, my mum approached me with a surprise question that she never ask me before...do you have girlfriend? that was after i told my younger cousin sister has attached without our notice...i was thinking and talked to myself, why i still dont have at this age? am i not qualified to have a one? what is wrong with me? am i too choosy?

this i really a mess up blog, totally messed up...there is no specific topic for myself...i was trying to drive myself to certain place just now, but i lost the direction...i forgot where i should head to...i tried to contact her when she lost connection, but to an avail when no reply after few days...perhaps i will get tired after thinking for sometimes...then i will get better? would it be still haunting me in some other time?

wishing the days ahead will be busy days for me...

又来到了另一个夜晚。。。又是一个晚上让我感到很空虚。。。有时没灵魂的夜晚。。。觉得很乱很乱,再也没有那鼓力气去处理,就让它过吧。。。这几天的我都浮着过日子,根本都没有那个心情去想事情。家人拨电话给我都没有心情去聆听。我真的不知道为什么,为什么?我只知道我人很累很累。。。我的心灵很累很累。。。看待事情都很表面,不想去深入了解。没有用,没有用。。。

我才发现我自己奋斗了很久很久,为了不是自己的事情而去奋斗。。。我到底在做什么?哎,连这个问题我都没办法为自己回答。我自己没办法给自己一个交代。为什么?为什么?我那股奋斗力呢?去那里了?不见了?回来吧。。。

好想一个人静静的思考东西。。。虽然我知道我不能为我自己作答,那能怎么办?不是我不要找人为我作答,是别人都不愿意深入了解我,为我解答。我也不想为了这些事情在去懊恼,倒不如我来好好的想想。。。得不到答案那又如何?就让它变成迷题。。。

谁会了解我,为我作答。。。

来到了中秋节的夜晚,整个感觉好空。虽然刚刚和朋友出去吃火锅,但是还觉得空虚。。。这几天整个人好像失去了方向,人生不知道要如何走。我只好把自己搞得不像人一样,整天睡睡睡,睡得真的不想起来。因为起来了我也不知道该做什么好。已经不少次我想不到要吃什么,所以只好睡。。。

人生很累。。。你一路来为某某的东西在努力,突然见你已经觉得不值得了,停下来了,失去了方向。努力被嫌弃,被说太多了。。。现在的努力该放在哪里好?现在的多余的时间该放哪里好?睡觉?这几天真的真的好想回家。好像回家过中秋,好像放下所有一切正在烦恼中的东西,好好的回家。。。可是我不能。我在想,回家能把我医治好吗?回家就没有东西在烦恼吗?

这几天都是一个人再过,每个人都忙各自的东西。而我呢,不知道该忙什么才好。。。这几天也让我想了好多好多东西。。。我因该是很久没有跟人说话吧,常常把自己想要说的东西都跟回自己说,我变得不是那么会表达的人了。。。心里想说的东西总是卡在喉咙,无法表达出来。。。有的时候都借部落个来表达自己,自己心里很想很想跟人说的话。。。也在没有人愿意听我诉苦了。。。写在部落个又怕某某人看得到,有的时候也不敢太直接,得罪人。。。

朋友,好朋友,兄弟。。。我越来越不懂这个的定义了。。。一直以来要找的东西,原本以为找到了,但是好像我都在幻想中,都是我在认为中。。。累了累了。。。我一直努力,很努力,把我的人缘搞好,想不到后来还是一样。。。别人还是会把你以前的历史拿来做比较。。。

我的灵魂已经受伤了很久,我几乎剩下只是外壳。。。没有了。。。每天都需要带着外壳,但没有办法为外壳在多想事情,没有办法想要吃什么,对食物越来越没有讲究。甚至连不用吃都可以。用餐的时候就睡觉,没有那个力气去追求东西了。。。那一场病好象把我整个人都。。。我不知道,感觉不像是我以前的我。。。

sigh, why i get sick at this time, the time i need to prepare for my final examination...sigh...i fell sick since monday, after taking the management exam...it comes very very sudden...i went to university as usual, just that i get a few drops of rain...then i sat in the examination hall and start doing my exam...and a big strong wind from air conditioner continuously blew on me...i was giggling during the exam and it ends like normal...till i went back home to have some nap...i started to feel the heat from my body...i suffered a few days, with sweats all the time and uncertain heat that emitted from my body...the heat is like disperse slowly...from toe to knee...then it stops...then it continues with my palm and my chest...and yesterday is the most suffering night...i cant sleep at all with heats and sweat dripping in my body...

i really hope this time my examination dint turn bad with my fever...i prayed hard not to this happen...im trying to heal as fast as possible...but still i have not recover till today...my breathe still not smooth...the heat still there...i dont know what else i can do now except pray hard to let everything goes smooth...

又到了开斋节的前一天,又过了一年。。。这时候的前年就是我在大学的起步,真真的起步。终于可以认识到别人了,终于。。。实在感激一路帮我的朋友,没有你们真的不知道要怎么过。。。

刚才读了自己写过的部落个,也读了建才的部落个,因为有人告诉我关于水果元的故事,所以就去看看了。。。一年前的我跟一年后的我,我能感觉到许多不同的地方。。。从我写的内容,拍照,修片,和兴趣都有大大的改变。。。我真的有在成长,兴趣有在改变。 一年前的我只是对牌照有兴趣,只要拍到任何照片就可以了。但现在的我对于拍照都有所属求,拍的照片要有意识,有讯息,对于修片都有所要求。这就是原因为什么今年的照片在我的面书都是被修过了,少数可以看得到未修的照片在我的面书上。。。

我的第一次!单独跟女生出去!心中的我很开心,终于可以约到出去了!约了老半天,就在某某的一天跟她出去走走。虽然对她而言不算什么,但我觉得很开心。当天的我傻傻的。。。那一天的开心我都会牢牢的记住。虽然她不是我的谁,但希望将来他会是我的某某人,不敢开口的我怕会被打枪,毕竟几年前都有开口过了。。。还是看对时机和机会再说吧。或许我不是她心目中的理想对象吧。还不知道她的心里如何想我, 目前还得不到肯定的答案。。。看时候吧。。。

最近的日子里在家都是静静的,屋友几乎的时间都不在家。大部分都去工作了,很晚才回来。没工作的夜去了朋友家,没回来。多多少少都会觉得闷闷的在家里的时候。。。发生了小事,吵翻了。我的错吗?很久没讲话了,还在闹吗?这都不是我的能力范围中。。。哎,看来结下的日子都会这样咯。。。

又来到了温习的一周了。下周就是大考的时候,但我未准备到!!!我不知道为什么我会这样。真的怕了。不知道该如何做好。我的朋友告诉我,”能读多少就读多少,不要再想其他的事了。现在不是讲求读完,而是经你的能力读多少就读多少“ 我能做到吗?下周有两科要考,我真的希望我能应付得来。。。保佑我。。。

a simple dinner to mark end of all the tasks for the semester turns to a special dinner for foong kheng as we had made a surprise birthday for her...dinner at xiao fei yang jalan pudu restaurant which is a herb soup steamboat. the meal was great with its thin sliced meats and tasty hand-made noodles...

dinner ended as usual, without any doubts in foong kheng...and the show is just begun!!! we planned in cs house, remove the cake from the fridge, and gave her a surprise birthday at her house!!! yet, she was shocked and happy...

the first part of the final year project presentation has just ended...though everything went well, but still feeling my presentation not good because im kinda mumble many times...but my partner, chiang wei said my presentation is good already...well, just let it be...


pictures taken for memory purposes...

i came across to this video...it was a merdeka video clip few years back...yeah...national independence day...but what makes me attracted to this video rather than just the messages that intended to be conveyed is the courage of tan hong ming...to express his like...and the way he expressed was funny and clear enough...




how wish i could be like him, saying out my love to the world someday...

wow...its been a long time i dint blog, indeed...probably very busy with my assignments, tasks, as well as my final year project...totally exhausted...and i could just spare my time when i cant sleep on my bed to blog this...

the clock shows its almost five now...and im still in front the computer now...thinking the happenings in between the period where i dint blog...yeah, alot...uncountable...quarrels, arguments, disagreements, happy and sad...

many heated arguments happened to me, and my temper became worst day by day...but now its back to normal...arguments and quarrels over a simple and small misunderstanding...i dont know why...but now we back to normal and buddy again...

my first time went out in private with someone i like...the feeling was like...indescribably!!! im in happiness...but it doesnt last long...fatigues take over when i have to spend nights to rush reports, assignments, and many more...and im still left with assignments, unknown how to do...

the final is coming soon...hoping myself can cope with it well and smooth...

today, i step back to the beginning point, the beginning point of me...where i flip a new chapter years back here...but somehow the way i think, i see has different...is this a sign of im still growing and learning? or am i still on the same pace years back? if it is, is it a good change over or instead? many things happen in this place...and is memorable...cannot be forgotten...

sometimes, you somehow will feel like want to escape from this hustle and bustle city, staring to the nature, drink to think...well, it might opens your mind to a broader view...


added with a companion, the night somehow went better...:)

how does it look like when you feel alone...in fact you are surrounded? it gives me a creep, the feeling of being alienated, transparent, and alone...

what do you think? what is your feeling when you know someone, but you are alienated, and you have the feeling of being a nuisance in certain place, but you just cant leave the place...as the place belongs to you...

it is a ridiculous story when you are in a closed place with someone you know, but they just talk to themselves, ignoring me...making me feel alienated and lonely...

leaving apart...the one and only way to solve the problem? it was a story from someone, someone who decided to stay forever with the person he likes, ended with living apart? he sacrifices, putting effort, gives everything he has to her, should ended up in such result? i dont understand...

i see them together from the beginning, arguments, and many more...and most surprising, they decide to leave each other, after so many effort put into this relation...why they have to do so? why they need to resort in this? if they knew this, why they wanted to be together? lifestyle has changed, do they really can back to their original life if they choose to be in this way? do they really can forget whatever happen in the past and start a new life? do they live happy than before? do they miss the arguments heated previously? is there any solution other than leaving apart? will they find a better one in future?

listening to this story makes me stunt for seconds and a new thought comes into my mind, should i begin? should i change my life from single to...? if i never step into this, i would never have such memories...but if i never step on it, i would never grow, i will be alone, i will never taste to the power of...what should i do...

i was attracted to my friend's post recently as he wrote something which is meaningful to me...something that enlightens my mind. i somehow out of my mind agree with what he wrote, as it does reflecting to what i am...some statements in his blog are quoted and posted at the bottom...

Sometimes, it’s not that you want to change for someone else, it’s because you can’t control it. When someone becomes really important to you, every perception about that person changes. Every single details, every single actions, every single words matters.
is love uncontrollable? is this what they always say the power of love? is love with change what you have now? the lifestyle, the habit, the social network, no matter how good you are now? i have seen many couples, they isolate us, the friends and live in their own world...and when they come to the end, they started to mix around back...does this so called selfishness? whenever they need you, they will approach you and dump you when they found their partner of life...i have been experiencing a lot of such situations, where my friends close to me when they are single or return to single and dump me far far away when they change status...is this what a single person need to accept or is not worth to befriend to them? a question arose yesterday during dinner session with my friend, they asked me whether i will do the same way as what i hate the most, and i confidently answered them a big NO...but somehow deep in my heart i asked myself, comparing myself to my friend's post, do i?

Before this you might say that you want full freedom and will give your partner full freedom on things that they want to do. But you wouldn’t exactly be sure of this, until your time comes. By then you will realize that it is easier said than done. Changing into another person that you actually despise is not what a person would want, but as said it’s uncontrollable. You are no longer the same anymore, there is another person there, constantly waiting for you no matter what.
freedom, the aspect that i like the most of i am now...i enjoyed the freedom now, frankly especially after i come to kl to study...i can go out anytime, anywhere, do whatever i like, without informing or care whoever...though i have the freedom, but i dint misuse it, instead i use them wisely, accurately, and responsibly...i wonder how i will be if i am attached...do i still have the freedom? as what i realised, i have to care another feeling, informing her where and what am i doing and so on...is this true? is what the quote said is the truth?

For me, if you asked me this question few years back, “would you die for your loved one”. My answer for sure 101% is a big NO. I would not be stupid enough to do so, my life belongs to me and not others. But now, if you asked me back the same old question, I would be sure enough to answer a YES. Because I could not bear to live alone anymore without the person. If you asked me what will I do if I were to lose the person most important to me, I would answer “I don’t know”. Because what I think of now will be different at that time. I myself will not be sure what I am capable of doing when that time comes.

am i brave to say YES, as what my friend did? i have no idea on this...yes, i admit that i have no idea how to continue my life without the important person with me...i wouldnt know how my future road will be without her...when someone becomes too important to you...she will be the part of your life...your life will be related to her...the feeling is miracle, unique and special...

love is something inevitable from you, it is part of your life...i remembered a statement from someone, human born into this world is assigned with a task, that is to find the half of himself...without the half, the life is not complete...everyone has the task, but can i manage this task well? without affecting what i have now? sacrifices needed? well i guess im too coward to face all these as because of many physical and abstract aspects, i have miss out many opportunities that is in front of me...but i always encourage my friend to go ahead though he might rejected...i told myself all the time, this isnt the right time...the right time is not now...my single life shouldnt be end that early, but recently half of my mind doesnt think so. there's someone in front of me now, but she seems not welcome my present...with cold responses from her. im in dilemma sometimes, when i alone or doing nothing...i tried not to think about it, but when the time goes, it flashes in my mind...

another outing this time...from despicable me movie to bowling session, as tgv cinemas available only in 3D and some of us feel dizzy after watching 3D...

some candid shots were taken before the bowling starts as there are several people listed in front of us and some added the game...




simple and fun day...

a simple bring uncountable meaning to someone. the last song, the very last song dedicated to her, before she left us...so long...

牵手

因为爱著你的爱
因为 梦著你的梦
所以悲伤著你的悲伤
幸福著你的幸福

因为路过你的路
因为苦过你的苦
所以快乐著你的快乐
追逐着你的追逐

因为誓言 不敢听
因为承诺不敢信
所以放心著你的沉默
去说服明天的命运

没有风雨躲得过
没有坎坷不必走
所以安心的牵你 的手
不去想该不该回头

也许牵了手的手
前生不一定好走
也许有了伴的路
今生还要更忙碌

所以牵了手的手
来生还要一起走
所 以有了伴的路
没有岁月可回头



to look for the song is kind of mess up...but we ended up found it and the band created the rhythm and all of us sang it out...though the environment getting worst at the end, but at least we able to dedicate to her the very last song...we hope that she able to listen it...

may you rest in peace there...so long...

cousins, you must be strong to face everything happen. my support will always be there for you!!!

today's class started at 1pm and i eventually fall asleep in the class...sigh...probably i cant get well sleep for few days...i am not attached, at all...but just that i was thinking of something, something that makes my life completely change for now...a midnight chat with my friend yesterday somehow enlightens my mind...ya...this is another stage of life, and i have to keep my track on...but did i make something right? getting hooked up its another phase of life where i have to trade my freedom and flexibility with companionship and happiness...but do i able to do that? am i ready to make such sacrifices?

as the days goes on, i feel the emptiness in my heart...siblings and friends are started to get hooked up, leaving myself alone...i feel alone in both worlds...should i still stand on my feet, remain single? there's one here...should i remain with my principle? or i should step out? apparently, i am inspecting in details about it and asking myself should i go for it? or am i escaping myself from being alone?

yes, i admit myself still the naive thoughts, clean cut relationship, though there's in mind, but it seems there's a something blocking my ways. my family dint discuss about this to me, probably they dont want me to get hooked up, in early age, probably? am i ready to jump out from the naive thoughts and face the reality?

it is distracting, totally...and my mind still full of thoughts...hooking up or instead? i have no idea...what i can do now is see the condition, whether we can go into more than what we are now...

ya...recently kinda emoted...for some reasons probably...the beginning of the semester is not that smooth as i think...i predicted something wrong...out of my expectation...i dint expect things to be happen in this way, i think...

being single, or attached? this is the reason why i change my facebook status, for the very first time...i have no idea whether i should accept the fact that i should enter to another stage, the stage where i should have partner? im too afraid to welcome it, is this because i havent play enough? or too much of single life? in previous, i dont think much about it and make me change my status in facebook, but this time is real...i have to start thinking about it...

talking about feelings, i failed...failed how to control myself. im the type who has many feelings at one time...i dont know how to express it...perhaps due to failures happened to me in the past, makes me no confident to face it...in this case, i somehow want to escape from it, rather than facing it...im such a failure in relationship problem...i dont even know which is the best way of expressing myself to her...im in dilemma, totally...

i guess im still in the childhood, where everyone can be friends...no such complicated relationship, couples, and so on...where everyone can always hang out together, but i realised that im still living in the past...in the childhood...im 22 now, i have to face that i have and must leave that as a memory, is no longer applicable now...what am i doing now is just looking for people to complete my childhood memories, not to complete my life now...ya...childhood memories, indeed is freaking for me and wish to delete them by replacing what i have now...im such a dumb, it is not going to happen...

my mind is full of thoughts now, i need to recondition my feelings now, not to treat too well and think like an adult now...i hope i can put more effort on what i like now, the girl perhaps? i have no comment apparently...the urge is not strong, maybe what am i thinking now still like a kid...but i dont want a short-term relationship, i wish...

yet another long time no blogging period, and many causes this. the first, of course no thought in mind, and recently i have a serious gastric pain, resulted me almost a week...and finally im back in action...

first thing i have in mind is treat. food? nope. haha. what i am thinking now is the friendship treat. do i seems treating people too much, more than a friend or buddy should do? did i make something that is too much, annoying others? thinking this makes me creepy, perhaps i shouldnt treat people too good, as this will annoy others, well i guess this is so...

should i treat people well or not? i have no idea...

yesterday i went to seberang prai, penang to settle something there...late in the evening, my family and i reached ipoh and have dinner with my siblings in first garden...and i came across with this restaurant with unique theme...kim bali...


themed with cultures and uniqueness of south east asia, the restaurant set the main theme to be in bali island, which i felt very interesting on it...


and the menu has its' own categories, from nyonya cuisine to korean cuisine...and all the food ordered are splendid...

reaching home at 9pm and felt very tired...touched the pillow after watching some show but has a great moments with my family...

a significant number for me today...520 brings the meaning of "i love you" in chinese, so do the number of my born date...

an increment of my age today...well i can say nothing special happen today, my wishlist gone case for the first wish...kind of disappointment with what i have wish for, and i shall just leave the whole wishlist as a dream...not ever think about it, and wouldnt wish for anything more, as it wont happen in reality...i wont blame for any parties, as i deserved it, definitely...i knew it...perhaps i have been performing badly for the past years...

today is a normal day for me, morning at 9am and have usual breakfast and some shows from the hardisk till late in the evening, and well, the night time spent at mc donalds', replying wishes from friends, and blog this page...nothing special huh? haha...im used to it, in fact...i dont know why i should be in such emotional about it...whatever, i dont really see any special about it, except aging signs in my face and age increment...

a morning call at 7 something woke me up at my born-day, my sister called me from redang island to wish me and she added something behind, going where to celebrate yesterday night? and i replied her no. then she asked me again, what about tonight? and i replied her no. then she replied, that's impossible. i was like stunt over there, unknowing what to reply but just ended the call...

i wonder how it feels like to be birthday boy...how i wish to find the childhood memories...

here comes the day, the day i turn old again...should i be happy or sad? i dont really sure...there's always a mixture of feelings every year during this time, anticipation...anxious...sad...happiness...joyful...more...

yes, i have back to my motherland...the place where i born...and this time there's another new experience...as the bus station shifted to bukit jalil due to upgrading purpose, i have to transit to star line in order to reach bukit jalil...

the day started from saturday, where i finished my last paper, i went to have lunch in pizza hut, together with kelvin, foong kheng, phylicia, che shen, kean chai, and cheah yin...


the day continued with a bowling match in wangsa walk mall...without che shen along...


the daytime ends with shopping at watsons, buying something for my mum...dated with phylicia and arminder for supper at steven's corner till 4.30am...and headed straight to bukit jalil without any sleep at 7am...and afraid of missing out the earliest bus i, i straight rush to the ticketing counter with my heavy head, and yes, i made it! 8.30 am!!!

sleeping silently in the bus, unaware of the surrounding, i almost lost the bus ticket...><...and i reached safely to my hometown around 11am sunday goes on with simple dinner with my family at the famous hawkers' stall in the town, the glutton square...the dinner becomes great with local delicacy, added with the delicious ais kacang...
recalling back days of my twenty-one is great periodically, or maybe not...sad and sour always comes in whenever the happy arises...is a norm...i have to accept it...i lost and gain many abstractly at the same time...but i couldnt measurement the total loss and the gain...

i found a buddy, but im afraid of it...i afraid that i will redo the mistakes that i have done previously again this time...i tried to find the fault in myself and i really hope that i can appreciate it this time...without ruin it...

tomorrow is my birthday, wishing myself a happy and en-joyful birthday...hoping with surprises and something unexpected...:)

突然间不知道为什么有一种感觉要倒数。。。六天。。。

今天的心情好很多了,不再去想有的没的东西。。。昨天又跟一个人聊到这个话题,也是在逼问的情况下说的。。。我也不是那么的好意思说啦。。。

六天后的日子因该不算是什么吧。。。就把它当成是普通的一点咯。。。哈哈哈。。。

说没有羡慕别人是假的,每次参加多多少少会有感触,看看回自己,看看别人,再看看回自己。。。

有时候想想起来都觉得很荒妙,为什么会去想一些我知道是不可能发生的事情呢?何必作践自己去想伤心事呢?虽然心里真得很想要, 但现实的生活中没办法我不能说我不要。。。

时间离越来越近,心里会越来越像跟多东西。。。还真的希望我会把今天的日子改到下个月,然那天都不会到来。。。

李敬威阿李敬威,不要再去想了。。。想了还是一样的。。。把精神放再别位跟好。。。

今天特别不一样,倒数一周。。。

不知道为什么这编文章要用华语来写,也不知道为什么今天会那么多感触。是因为刚考完第四张?还是。。。
每到这时候,心里就觉得闷闷地。。。那么的一天又要来了。。。在遥远的日子里,心里会觉得很兴奋,但是一档到了,心里会觉得难过。。。有的时候是图像把那一天从我人生中删除掉,但我知道是不可能的。。。

有一天我妈妈问我说,我会有感想吗?我就回答,习惯了。但是心里当然是会有那么的伤心,我没有抱怨过什么, 没有抱怨。。。有时候当然看到别人开开心心过,心里也会觉得难过。但我也不说出来,不敢说,不知道对谁说。。。对任何人说都会侵犯到他们,说把它埋葬在心理。。。

每到这时候,心里会想说我会在那里,会跟谁,场面是怎样的,等等。。。一旦面对现实中,一切就等一场梦,睡醒了就没有了。。。现实中的我,不敢要求,不敢询问,因为期望越高,失望会越高。。。最后还是把自己搞得像现在这样,何必呢。。。

今年的第一个愿望还是个愿望,永远的愿望。。。

yesterday i went to mc donalds at titiwangsa for a midnight study when i realise i can buy shrek with happy meal! and i bought it and did some capturing over the night...
this was taken after few trials with my camera...





















the cute baby...





















i tried to make some funny action on shrek too...hehe...

yesterday, andy and i went to a small stall, somewhere in jalan genting klang to have our dinner. it was a sudden invitation, where i thought it might be delayed or somehow, and we just went it...

it wasnt so special about the food there. the only special, which hard to find in the metropolitan city is the conventional cooking method, coal cooking. coal has been proven to bring special aroma when you use for cooking, but it bring mess to the cooking area...well, we went to eat hokkien noodles, recommended by andy himself after he tried it...

the noodles kinda oily but it taste awesome, but is recommended less eat for health purpose...haha

again, another night, im sitting in front of the computer, unknowing what to do...im home alone again tonight...housemates were off dont know where...sometimes alone allows you to think something more, rationally...but too much of alone will freak you out!!!

instead of studying, i think alot...rational and nonsense...but i couldnt recall what have i thought in short period of time...well i guess those are nonsense...

arranging back all the thoughts that i have thought, i recalled one of them...the fyp...yes, i have think of fyp...who should i group with...what should do with it...the future...where should i be? what should i do...

in the deep night, thought that i have long time not thinking about it came in...partner of life? when looking at others, im like kind of envy them, having their partner of life in such a young age...unlike me, till now still a single...is this because i dint put any effort on it? or my heart rejects it? i have responsible to be fulfilled, maybe this becomes my barrier to carry on my search...i dont know why, when a girl do really fascinates me, and i do really get admired of her, i will spontaneously get rid of her, though my heart tells me i like her...i do miss out many such opportunities in my life...i dont know how to react when i like her...and so when someone likes me...it seems i have the responsibility on my shoulder...well what i can say i have to just let it be...

a friend i have chatted few days back told me, he felt himself better to be single for now than attached, as what he experienced previously. he choose to have friends more than tied totally with his attachee...does it makes sense to me, signalling me that this is what i suppose to do? remaining single? though he told me that sometimes he do feel bored and lonely in such way, but he still choose remain as what he has now...single...does this reflects to what i have now? i have no idea...yes, the urge of getting someone as my partner of life is there, but the timing do a problem...and so the candidates as well...perhaps my requirements are very high and i have to result in this way...haha...

feeling myself getting better to be alone at home now after blogging out, i shall continue with what i should and must do now...

a weird day, perhaps it is not...well there is something emerge inside my heart...wanting to find someone to speak out, but i guess no one will listen to it...i know well about myself, though i knew im going to be fooled, but somehow i dont know why i still let myself ahead...is the life full of fools and sarcastics? i cant provide any answers, as im also being fooled though trying to be sincere all the while. this semester is dramatic, very dramatic...and myself, out of slipping, have to act inside the drama...

feeling relieved after writing those in my blog, at least i have tell someone what am i thinking, though is virtually...not expecting someone would read it but just let it be...i dont know whether everyone having the same experience or only myself...

looking at the current situation, well i guess my first upcoming wishlist will just gone as the previous years...because im now still standing at the beginning point...i dont know why i will make such a wish in the list, as i knew myself well, it is not going to happen, though it happen once in the past...this year will be the same as the years before...im not daring to expect something, because when i expect something more, i will ended up more sad...i would just let it be...

yesterday was the day...the demo day...after spending lots of time on this black box a.k.a the moon cake box...the assignment hardware...the spinning disc...



almost two weeks spending time on it...from 8.30am to 5.30pm almost everyday...trapped in the laboratory, making it works, and finally...


simply the team name ABC, sound childish, but that comes when nobody has the idea of naming the team when asked to do so...




finished the hardware on last 2 weeks, but found errors when conducting the testing on last week, worried that it might not working at the last minutes, we spent again hours trapped in the laboratory on friday and last monday to work it out, and finally...yeah, it works back accordingly...





joyful with the success, we decided to snap photo with miss chan ee lyn, the lecturer and the assessor for the assignment as a memory...the great team i ever had in university life...thank you...



hi...

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this is chin wey, sharing thoughts and feelings deep inside my heart
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