days has past, but still...un-flushed. attempted to flush it months ago but to avail. it's like keep on haunting you forever. it starts to grow back when it starts to fade off. Keeping reminding myself that it is just my own party of a wrong perception, but when the subsequent things get better, i couldnt hallucinating myself again. it's like i like to wait for answer unanswered. keeping myself filtered from all "rumours" and accepting the answered from the party is what i want? Or should i just disqualifying myself from the battle field, and sentence the feeling death by accepting the rumours. I couldnt stop intuition of controlling myself although my rational told not and must not to do in this way...
Please sentence me to death! Im trying hard to kill it but i...*sigh* i think i'll just stop thinking of this since i have always meet the death end on every single attempt. remain staying in my current pace would be the best solution?
another month pass again without something that tickles my heart happen. im not sure whether this is a good sign or not. i read from some places that life will be meaningful if there's ups and downs in it. life shouldn't be dull and stays in zero gradient line. well, as for me, i know it's inevitable to have sad and sorrows in my bibliography. but i try to make my life as meaningful as i can :)
looking back to my previous posts, it seems i like to write down my thoughts and my sorrows rather than something meaningful or remarkable. well...probably i cant find someone to talk to regarding about my sorrow and have to write it down here...but after sometime, i would just feel fool of writing them down. maybe this is the way of releasing my stress? or probably this would be just a single man will do. Yea, he said it right. I've never dated anyone before and i wouldn't know the feeling of being loved and cared deeply by the person you love :). yea, i know i missed alot chances in my life of getting someone that i like. i...just...*sigh*
sometimes human are like aliens to me. you will never know what's the theory or philosophy of life behind them. some people do not appreciate when you did something good but they would just said i deserved to be treated in that way. but when you did slightly something bad, he or she will spread to the whole world of your bad. will this kind of friendship last long? "Hey, I'm just your friend. NOT your slave nor your follower. I keep silent doesnt mean i agree with what you did. True friends will correct you when you did wrong. SO LOOK AT YOURSELF WHO WILL CORRECT YOU THEN!!!" sometimes im just disappointed with this kind of people of being selfish and arrogant. *sigh* i just have to release it here. I do not want to bring anger and hatred to anyone else. Just be myself will do. Don't i look dumb and naive? or foolish? lol...
are memories can be erased that easily in short time? looking at a situation where you used to shared with the person you liked but after sometime, you still remember the situation but not the person in the situation. the face of the person is blurr and you need the person to recall back who actually owns the blurr face. pretty heart-broken huh? :(
leaving everything behind and keep going with my life :)
